Monday, May 4, 2009
Blessed, but Depressed?
I live a blessed life. My childhood was amazing and I had a mom and dad who went to great lengths to ensure I had a "normal" childhood despite my diagnosis at age 7. I have an incredible family and amazing friends who I interact with daily. I am blessed to be able to stay home most of the time with my children. On the days that I DO work I get to get paid by doing things I LOVE most in this life, teaching music and planning and playing in worship services. Though we are not rich by any means, God has always provided everything we need and then some. Which is why I've tried to avoid writing this post for sooooo long. It made me feel guilty that I felt so yucky, despite the amazing life that I live. As soon as I considered that I may be struggling with depression, I figured if I couldn't "pray it away" then my faith was weak and I didn't trust God enough. So as terrifying as it is to write this post... here I go....
Several months ago I weighed in at one of my highest weights of 148, though still not bad... my little 5'3'' self was not comfortable and just felt out of shape and icky in this body, so I completed the P90x fitness program with my husband and now weigh in at 118. I'll admit, since I stopped working out, I've mentally been struggling more with lack of energy and fatigue... but because I am tired and fatigued, I have a hard time trying to work out! Vicious cycle!
I've had hypothyroidism since I was about 12. I've always woken up every morning and taken my Synthroid (levothyroxine .1 mg) like a good little girl and not paid much attention to anything else. To be honest, I didn't really even know what hypothyroidism meant until a few weeks ago when I noticed my sugars were very level for several days in a row on my Dexcom, and yet I still felt horrible and fatigued, like how I feel when my sugars are bouncing around. This is when I started "Googling" and seeing an ABUNDANCE of connection between thyroid disease and depression. I also started researching all the different options for thyroid treatment including several different prescriptions, what they are made from, the side effects of the meds, etc.
I've been trying to eat healthier, gave up Diet Coke (okay, I've cut back A LOT!!!) and have been filling my body with good things.... and yet I still feel FATIGUED and even SAD sometimes.
This is when I reached out to some of my friends, both online and real life. And overwhelmingly I was advised to be honest with my doctor and get some help. Because bottom line, this is probably a medical issue concerning some type of hormonal or chemical imbalance and we need to get to the root of what's causing it. I have days where I get so fed up with having to think about medical things that I just end up ignoring it. But I know that only ends up hurting me more in the long run. So off I go to my endo today at 1:30 pm to spill my guts to him and hope for some answers!