Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hypo-Unawareness The Vent

I live an amazing life. I really do. I get to mentor some really amazing teenagers and children and I get to travel a large part of the summer. I do most all of this with my husband (who also happens to be my best friend!) and my kids. But sometimes the fear of some of my complications with diabetes really holds me back and ruins some of my passion.

I was invited to be a part of an elementary school camp in a few weeks and I excitedly accepted, thinking as I always do, that I could handle all the travel and diabetes stuff that comes along with every decision I make. This camp would be smack dab in the middle of 3 straight weeks of travel.

Now it's getting closer and I'm realizing that I'll be in charge of several little girls lives and sleeping in a room with no one next to me who is familiar with what to do if I wake up crazy low like I have been more often than not over the last few weeks. Lately, I haven't been waking up at all. The other night I woke up at 31 and the only reason I awoke is because my husband got up to go to the bathroom and I somehow heard him. He heard my mumbling and ran for juice. He saves me. Every time. It really freaks me out how much I depend on him at night to help me.

I don't remember this being a problem when I was younger. I just somehow balanced it and everything worked out. I did a ton of camp counseling and traveling for my college and never had any scary issues. I lived with female roommates in college and rarely remember asking them for assistance with treating diabetes issues. But I've noticed over the last three years, it's getting harder. When I get out of my routine and how much exercise I get and food options are somewhat out of my control... I have a hard time getting it right. And when I don't get it right, the consequences hit my body much harder.

It's really frustrating. And it's making me cry right now.

Sometimes diabetes makes me let people down. My friends. My kids. My husband. My passion for ministry to young people. Myself.

On the upside, I am currently going through a new insurance process to try and get my CGM approved and upgraded (Dexcom 7 to Dexcom 7 Plus). I think I will have success, but who knows how long it will ultimately take to process. I also got a ton of covered test strips and finally got my insurance to cover almost all of them so I am testing like crazy now and not having to worry about out of pocket costs.

How do you cope with the frustration of diabetes getting in the way of things you love to do? Does it? Am I the only one? :) I have a feeling I'm not!


Valerie said...

Windy, talk to your endo about temporarily lowering your overnight basal. At this point, it's best to be a little high overnight. Check before you go to bed (duh LOL). ALWAYS have juice right next to you. Set an alarm to wake at 3:45 am and check your sugar then. These are things I do when Darren travels, and I've always been fine.

Also, how old are your girls? If they're 7+, you may want to say, "If you see Ms. Windy acting strange, offer her a juice box. If she's making funny noises, give her a juice box."

And, pray. I've seen you prepare for this, and you and I both know that our Father will be there for you.

JilliaN* said...

hey Windy. I am sorry you're struggling but you are such an amazing woman and I'll be praying for you. I love you lots!!!

Jen said...

Windy, Thanks for sharing! I too am finding that the older I get, the harder it is to control my numbers. I think back to all I did as a kid, going away to camp, ride my bike ALL day long, playing competitive sports year round in high school, etc...Unless I'm not remembering correctly, things seemed so much easier back then.
Now I guess, I mostly am dealing with fears and frustrations.
I pray a lot...and I cry a lot too :(
It's so good to stay connected through other Diabetes blogs I've found.
Thanks again for sharing!

Jen said...

Thanks for following my blog. I live in Chicago. To clarify...I was just naseous...not pregnant and naseous :) We're gonna wait another 3 years to try...and I have a LOT of work ahead of me, lowering my a1c, etc. HaHa...yes, I'm sure our husbands would LOVE a therapy session together :)

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Shrinky said...

Oh Lord, my darling baby sis' could have written this post. She also struggles with her young family,teaching, and "not letting everyone down" (the latter of which, if you knew her, is soooooooooooo completely preposterous a statement).


~Suzanne~ said...

Windy, this was so hard to read! Diabetes does get in the way sometimes, doesn't it? Now that I have Kate, I worry about that so much. I dont' have any words of wisdom, but just know that you are certainly not alone!